True but thats because hes a fetus.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
