You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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