You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
