I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
