I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
