Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I got inside last night via doggy door
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
