i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
