"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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