we're blogging at a bar
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
