Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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