You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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