It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
