he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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