Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
