Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
