I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
