Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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