this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
