yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
