He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
