Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
