I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
3pm strippers are depressing
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
