Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
