if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize