Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
