i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
