Buhtt sex?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
