well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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