Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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