yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
