I should be sponsored by Trojan
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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