tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
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nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
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That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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