just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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