i jhust puked up my retainher.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
