Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
