You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
