You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
