Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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