he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
