gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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