I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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