No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
