Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
