Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
