I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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