Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
