Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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