May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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