and you said cock pushups were impossible
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
