No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
