can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
is that a dick in a sweater?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i out mim tonsoeep
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