if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
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