guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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