I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
