Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
