so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
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mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
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So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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