dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
