new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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