Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
