You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
