Got a toothbrush?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
