He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
