Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
