You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
