She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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