What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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