the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
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MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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