Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
