Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
