I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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