You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
