Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
