She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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