My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
