Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
