Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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