I hate all girls vehemently.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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