I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
