I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
