he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
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Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
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I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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